Boolari: Baphometist

Pentagrams and goats are both signs of extreme evil, ungodliness, and demons. Demons such as the infamous Baphomet. Demons, the epitome of evil, the source of all that is wrong with the world, the pinnacle of simple wrongness. Yet demons also have a great ability for subversion, corruption, and temptation, preying on the most primal instincts of greed and lust to convert goodly people to their will, creating Satanists and Occultists.

Baphomet is most well-known for corrupting the Knights Templar of the Middle Ages and turning them to Devil Worship. Luckily, Pope Clementine V and the French King Philip caught wind of this plot and removed the corrupt Knights from power before any further damage could be done.

Now this same demon has turned its sights on The North Pacific. Boolari, one of the most beloved and respected members of both the TNP and defending community, has recently been discovered as a Baphometist. It was a result of this reporters constant vigilance and diligence, coupled with an unmatched devotion to uncovering the truth (and breaking the big story), that this disturbing discovery was made.

Now, we should clarify some terms. Satan long ago gave up the futile quest of conquering mankind and storming the gates of Heaven, instead opting for an eternities supply of beautiful virgins, Baphomet is still out for revenge, and only all the more enraged at Lucifers change of heart.

This reflects in their followers. A Satanist is someone who prances around in tattered robes offering sacrifices to Satan himself, hence “Satanist”. Baphometists are much more dangerous. They want power. They need to fulfill their dark overlords wishes. They also prance around in dirty robes offering goat sacrifices to Baphomet, and spitting on a picture of a lazy, fat, and opulent Lucifer eating grapes.

They also have certain peculiar habits, such as randomly shouting the word “Goat”, or chewing on tin cans, presumably a reference to their overlord’s goatlikeishness. Of course, like any prudent reader, you demand proof. How about the following excerpt from a messenger conversation?

[13:07] Heft: So, anything new?

[13:07] Boolari: Goat!

[13:09] Heft: ….what?

[13:10] Boolari: Oh, no, nothing new here, just fondling my pentagram necklace

[13:11] Heft: ermm…cool

[13:11] Boolari: *eats a tin can* yes it is

As you can see, I’ve put myself in harms way to bring you irrefutable proof (not that I expect any glory or awards for my efforts, of course). I also managed to sneak a peek into her bathroom, obtaining this shocking and disturbing image of her shampoo bottle (warning: not for the faint of heart): http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y111/Heft/product_shampoo_bottle.jpg

How will the region, especially the North Pacific Army (within which Boolari is a commander), respond to this travesty? This reporter sure isn’t sure, but will certainly keep watching.